Monday, April 10, 2006

The All Not-Hottie Team

Normally this isn't my type of thing, but after seeing the All WCHA Hottie Team and realizing that post got more comments than any thread here as I ever gotten(excluding posts about Gophers drinking, or anonymous-types bashing 14 year olds), I decided to give it a try. Most of the ideas I have here are blatantly stolen from other places anyway.

There's no way I could accurately come up with a team of hotties, but I think I've come up with a pretty solid team of not-hotties.

Coach: Scott Owens, Colorado College
Was there ever any doubt about this one?

Forward: Ryan Potulny, Minnesota
Any time you have the same hilarious haircut as Michigan quarterback Chad Henne, you're almost a shoe-in for this team.

Forward: T.J. Oshie, North Dakota
I know he was technically on the All-Hottie team, but I think teammate Lee Marvin said it best: "T.J.'s lack of a beard is an embarrassment to the town of Warroad." I agree wholeheartedly. I thought everyone in Warroad was born with a full beard, male or female?

Forward: David Backes, Minnesota State
Yet another pick for the All-Hottie team, and from all counts, a pretty decent looking guy. But when you're already a world-class athlete, a super genius, and a pretty nice guy, you can't have all four. It's just not fair. Serously, stop raising the bar, David.

Defenseman: Jack Johnson, Michigan
There's nothing attractive about an elbow to the head.

Defenseman: Tyler Howells/Chris Snavely(tie), Michigan State
Look, we've come a long way as a society. That one cowbody movie made like a trillion dollars. But I don't think we're ever going to be ready for this or this. Seriously, you guys are hockey players. There's some places you just don't go.

Goalie: Glenn Fisher, Denver
I've never actually seen a picture of him, but given his penchant for giving up "ugly" goals, he seems like the natural choice.


USAFA Bulldog said...

The bar is pretty high, especially when it comes to beards. Let's face it, no one will ever come close to Mike Commodore's beard and hair. Commodore should get into the Hall of Fame just based on that alone.

Packer487 said...

After seeing the closeup of him during the National Title game, I don't see how Robbie Earl can be left off the list.
I don't know if the diving made his face look like that, but all he's missing is a Drew Brees style mole and Kurt Busch's ears....
That kid is fugly.

Anonymous said...

Wow, Oshie finally beats Kessel for an award and this is it...

Anonymous said...

How do you leave Dan Kronick off this list. Ugly stands next to Kronick to look good. :)

Runninwiththedogs said...

Oh, I love it when you link to me! I'm thinking of doing an All-Uggo team, not like yours, which actually has hotties, but actual uggos. I'll need your help w/nominations and linkage.
Did you get my email?


Anonymous said...

Have you never seen Matt Carle?

Anonymous said...

With Phil Kessel not on there, the list loses all credibility.

Chris said...

I'm guessing my post tomorrow about the NCAA won't get as many comments as this thread. Always good to know where my audience is.

As for the other players on mentioned here:

Mike Commodore- Indeed awesome

Robbie Earl-Eh, let the kid enjoy his championship

Dan Kronick-Probably an oversight on my part. It's true no other candidate is as prepared to "take it on the chin" as Kronick. I guess you can replace Oshie with him once Oshie hits puberty.

Matt Carle- Carle would never wear a pink tie. Do you what would happen to you if you wore a pink tie in Carle's hometown of Anchorage? I do believe you'd get your ass kicked.

Phil Kessel- Hasn't he suffered enough here?

Anonymous said...

Kessel got hosed!!!

Anonymous said...

Chris, how about a women's hockey all-hottie list being a guy and all. Being a Badger fan I gotta nominate UW's Mikka Nordby