Normally this isn't my type of thing, but after seeing the All WCHA Hottie Team and realizing that post got more comments than any thread here as I ever gotten(excluding posts about Gophers drinking, or anonymous-types bashing 14 year olds), I decided to give it a try. Most of the ideas I have here are blatantly stolen from other places anyway.
There's no way I could accurately come up with a team of hotties, but I think I've come up with a pretty solid team of not-hotties.
Coach: Scott Owens, Colorado College
Was there ever any doubt about this one?
Forward: Ryan Potulny, Minnesota
Any time you have the same hilarious haircut as Michigan quarterback Chad Henne, you're almost a shoe-in for this team.
Forward: T.J. Oshie, North Dakota
I know he was technically on the All-Hottie team, but I think teammate Lee Marvin said it best: "T.J.'s lack of a beard is an embarrassment to the town of Warroad." I agree wholeheartedly. I thought everyone in Warroad was born with a full beard, male or female?
Forward: David Backes, Minnesota State
Yet another pick for the All-Hottie team, and from all counts, a pretty decent looking guy. But when you're already a world-class athlete, a super genius, and a pretty nice guy, you can't have all four. It's just not fair. Serously, stop raising the bar, David.
Defenseman: Jack Johnson, Michigan
There's nothing attractive about an elbow to the head.
Defenseman: Tyler Howells/Chris Snavely(tie), Michigan State
Look, we've come a long way as a society. That one cowbody movie made like a trillion dollars. But I don't think we're ever going to be ready for this or this. Seriously, you guys are hockey players. There's some places you just don't go.
Goalie: Glenn Fisher, Denver
I've never actually seen a picture of him, but given his penchant for giving up "ugly" goals, he seems like the natural choice.